Richard’s Corner

I just read Maggie Van Ostrand’s at article at fandomania entitled “5 Movies That Should Never, Ever Be Remade“, and it really got my blood boiling.  Not because I disagree with her, but because I agree 100%.  However, the list of films that have already been remade is a lot more depressing.  Here are five remakes that never should have been:

5. Black Christmas

The original Black Christmas was released in 1974, and helped to define the slasher genre.  Many slasher fans consider it one of the greats, right along side the likes of Halloween and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.  However, the remake is not and will never be considered a classic.  Take note Hollywood, over-the-top gore and violence does not a classic make.

4. King Kong

Peter Jackson is one of my favorite directors, but ironically, he has also made one of my least favorite films.  That film is King Kong.  The original is a classic, so remaking it is a feat unto itself.  To be honest, Jackson does a decent job, but it never really measures up to the original.  I would argue that the worst part of this remake is Jack Black.  Is it just me, or does he ruin almost every film he is in?  Even when he tries to act normal, he just comes off as a clown that’s faking it.

3. Planet of the Apes

Tim Burton is another favorite of mine, but this film was just plain awful.  In fact, this is probably his worst film to date.  The original Planet of the Apes is a classic, so by default, a remake that measures up to the original is not likely.  My question is…why even try?

2. Psycho

This film would have been number one on my list, but the release of Rob Zombie’s Halloween beat it by a nose.  I will get into that piece of garbage in a second.  For now, let’s focus on this one.  Why oh why would anybody even begin to think of remaking an Alfred Hitchcock classic?  The man was a genius, and his films are timeless.  They are among the most beloved films of all time, yet someone decided it would be a great idea to make a scene by scene remake of the classic Psycho.  For future reference, it is never a good idea to make a scene by scene remake of a classic film.  It just makes it all the easier to compare the films side by side, and see just how God awful the remake actually is.

1. Halloween

Oh…Rob Zombie.  What were you thinking.  You took everything that made the original Halloween a classic and threw it out the window.  I guess Zombie decided horror films that rely on suspense and subtlety were too yesterday, and decided to “re-imagine” Halloween as a House of 1000 Corpses-esque splatter fest.  Honestly, why mess with perfection?  Admittedly, this remake is a good film on it’s own, but it doesn’t even begin to measure up to Carpenter’s original.